Reflections

I have rewritten this at least 4 times. I'm having a lot of difficulty expressing myself and reflecting my time over this pregnancy. Maybe because it is, dare I say, our last planned pregnancy. While it is getting incredibly uncomfortable being this large, I am also sad to see this phase of my life end. This, of course, does not mean end to the Ski Babies. We, if we decide to have more babies, will adopt. It is just that my body cannot physically handle any more pregnancy after the complications of having Libby and TJ. They are our little miracles and we are grateful to have them, and I am very happy to have experienced two pregnancies. So as I go down memory lane, keep in mind that I am a 38.5 week, emotional pregnant lady and only have 5 days left of this pregnancy.

Finding Out
We decided in spring of 2009 that we wanted to have another baby. In fact that is all I talked about with my loving, patient husband. Unfortunately we also wanted to put our house up for sale. For those that have never had their house up for sale while having a small child, it is an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. We exhausted ourselves keeping the house clean and did many a nap time in the car so that Libby could still sleep while we were doing open houses or our limited house showings. This, unfortunately, stressed me out where we didn't have much luck trying for our newest babe. Months went by and it was discouraging me. We were able to become pregnant on month one with Libby so this was foreign to me and I thought me being almost 3 years older was hurting our chances. In July we finally found a buyer and he wanted to act quickly. Luckily we found a house and people that wanted to move out quickly too so by August we were in our new house. December 6th we found out we were pregnant and were obviously thrilled. Of course my OCD didn't make that enjoyment last long as I fretted that the test was a false positive and then proceeded to buy every pregnancy test in the store over the next week. After a few more weeks I became comfortable that there definitely was a baby in there and then became the natural worries that come along with pregnancies as we waited for our first ultrasound. First, though we had to decide how to handle our Dr situation.

Changing Doctors
Our OB with Libby was...how can I put this nicely...was not the best. Yeah, ok. That'll work. She had an old school mentality and handled pregnant women with absolutely no complications easily. However, I wasn't one of those patients as my blood pressure tends to go a wee bit high during pregnancies. So we had to make a decision on whether to switch Drs or not. Actually, it wasn't a question of "if" but "who" should we go to. We had switched health insurance companies since Libby was born and I was hoping that would help me pick a Dr I hadn't seen before and one closer to home. Luckily I found one 15 minutes away from our new house and interviewed them via the phone. I spent a good 20-30 minutes asking detailed questions on how they would have handled my first pregnancy and what their approach would be with the second given my history. Honestly, I was waiting to see if they thought I was a crazy person or if they treated me like I was an intelligent woman. When they did the latter I knew I had found my new OB. It was the best decision I could have ever made as they have made this experience so much better and I feel so much more confident that this baby is going to be healthy. It's great being able to trust your doctors.

Two steps forward, two steps back
This pregnancy was very different than with Libby. With her I had complications in the beginning with some spotting and then my blood pressure issues began to show up about the half way point. The benefit of a second pregnancy is you can use the information of the first to engage in a sort of defensive dance against the complications from the first. I have never been stuck with a needle to do blood tests so many times in my life. I even had to become best friends with a huge orange tub that I had to pee in for 24 hours - twice. Lets just say I was willing to do whatever they told me to do. It was working too. I was making it without swelling or blood pressure issues. My weight was staying decent (for me) and I just knew everything was going to be smoother this time. Unfortunately we began seeing a trend that my blood pressure was creeping up around week 28. Instead of waiting to see what happened, my OB ordered a whole menu of blood tests, had me do my second 24 urine test (hello BFF Big Orange!), and had me go to a perinatal unit to begin a series of twice a week appointments that I am still going to. Now I had not one but TWO Doctors helping me carry this baby to term.

Perinatal Unit
I have never been to, nor heard of, a perinatal unit. The staff there couldn't believe I hadn't been to one with my first baby given that when I delivered Libby my blood pressure was in the 200s over 100s. I got tired of trying to find a way to nicely explain my situation the first time and just stuck to my standard "my Dr and I didn't really agree on my condition." The first time I went to the perinatal unit I was terrified. I didn't know what to expect. I knew it was what was best for me and our baby boy but I was still nervous. What were they going to do? Was I going to be on medications? Would they believe me? That was a constant fear. Because nothing was ever documented with my first showing how truly bad my blood pressure was getting, it was my word against the previous Doctor. Luckily these Drs all listened to me and treated me like I wasn't insane. And so began my many, many trips to the perinatal unit. I have my last appointment on Monday and I am actually going to miss some of the nurses there. They are so kind. Yes, I realize it is their job to make you feel at ease but they do it so effortlessly. There is one nurse, Mimi, especially that I have bonded with. We swap stories about our kiddos since my oldest is similar to hers when she was younger, and she's always giving me advice on things to keep her active. I really owe these wonderful nurses a big thanks because I believe they have helped me make it this far in my pregnancy. I honestly think I could make it to 40 weeks, if my OB wanted me to, thanks to them and their constant care.

Nerves
I thought I would be nervous about the prospect of having two kids and having to juggle them both at the same time. I'm honestly not. The only thing I am nervous about is the epidural. Honestly. That giant needle haunts me at night. Once I get past that point I am going to relax a lot. Even with complications, it is still on my mind.  For example, on Monday my amniotic fluid levels were very low. They warned me that I could deliver in the next day or so if the levels didn't go back up. All I could think about was how my baby may not be ok and that epidural needle. Even in a potential crisis that thing still scares me!

Next Chapter
Although I am not sleeping very well I do day dream a lot. I dream about holding my baby boy and hugging my little girl at the same time. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I wonder what he is going to look like. Will I finally get one that looks even remotely like me or is Jim going to have another clone like Libby was? How big is he going to be? Will he have hair? I will only have to wait 5 more days to find out. I cannot wait to start this next chapter of our life with our newest baby.